Thursday, May 03, 2012


Take it. Eat it. Put it in your mouth.
Be mean to it, I won't mind. Jump around a little bit. Make it fun.
I wish you would have eaten it the first time. I wish you would have eaten the one that wiggled around on top so enticingly. But whatever.

You still swallowed it down, so thanks for that. Now go tell yer mama what I done, cause I'm gonna tell my friends about this and they are going to smile and laugh and throw high-fives.

We are going to talk about how fat you are, and how much of a fight you put up before finally succumbing to my irresistible pull. But don't be hard on yourself. And don't fret about your weight, we likes 'em chunky, baby. Keep packing on that thinkness, sweetheart. I will be back to check on you.

Now run home. Run home and go cry in your bed and understand that we are careless assholes, but not the worst of our kind. Understand that this will most likely happen again, and next time you might not be so lucky.

Next time, you may end up in someones freezer, or rotting away; stinky in a hot dumpster somewhere. Be weary, my little chubby green angel, there are demons lurking above you in that thinnest of vapor.

 See you again soon and best wishes,

PS You probably shouldn't tell your boyfriend about our time together. I wouldn't want to have to put him in a frying pan with butter and shallots. 


  1. the back of it's throat looks like a Youtube instructional video I saw on how to use a speculum

  2. Too funny!Guess what I just got?!! A brand new fishing shed just completed today. I had it delivered and assembled by Backyard Rooms . I have all my rods and lures, everything I need right where I can find it. Can't beat it, check it out at
    Backyard Rooms
    You guys head down to Patagonia a lot?

  3. Awsome picture. Love the post. If only fish could talk.


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