Saturday, February 28, 2009

A beard gives your face a purpose.

A little Pogonology for you.

In middle school I knew a guy. He could grow a mustache. It was awesome. One fine day I realized I could also grow wisdom and virility out of my face, and never looked back.

Some Greek Guy said,
"There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless — boys and women — and I am neither one."
He probably rocked some kick ass beardage.

Full beards, goatees, van dykes, extended goatees, chin strips, soul patchs, mutton chops, balbos and chin curtains…. There are many ways to sport your awesome. There are 3 things that define what style is right for you:

Ability: It is sad to say, but some men just don’t have it in the genes. Myself, to a degree, fall into this category. My moustache is sound, as well as my goatee, but I have a problem growing connectors. It is sad, I know, and has been a sensitive subject in the past but I have come to terms with it. And I have groomed myself accordingly. If you can’t pull a style off, give it up.

The shape of your mug: Face it; just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. There are few people that can successfully pull off mutton chops or a chin curtain. When you style your whiskers, you have to be able to look yourself in the eye and be truthful when you say it looks good.

Your life: I know it blows, but if you want to get a job serving at that elegant steakhouse up the street, you might have to trim your face. (Getting a job in the kitchen is a different story…. just look at Kyle.) Or if you make a living underwater welding, a big-ol-balbo might interfere with the waterproofness of your face. If you have any other job, you pretty much have no excuse.

The most ass-kickin' man in the universe can’t be wrong.

(By the way, if you spell Chuck Norris in scrabble you win. Forever.)

So take a vacation, go fishing, and leave your razor at home.

-Alex who fights for the rights of hairy faces everywhere. Except on women.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I don't think I like this guy

So the name Tred Barta is new to me, Maybe i should have heard of him long ago due to the fact that he is some kind of Pro Fly Fisherman. After watching the VS. channel I now know why I haven't heard of him.

Turn the Volume up.

Is Fly Fishing a joke? Hell no, i love this sport and everything it comes with, well i could do without the empty wallet. Tell me what you think of this video. Right now i think this guy is a joke. Maybe i could be wrong.

Furled leaders, and a new get-up for warm juice.

A few new things at the FGFF base camp:

Dane over at DF Furled leaders sent me a couple to try out. So expect a report as soon as my lame ass can get out fishing again.

Pat from Recycled Waders was poking around the site and found some images of unprotected brews and decided to take it upon himself to help us protect our warm juice. These Koozies are made from the neoprene feet of old waders, sans toe jam, thankfully. FGFF and our now-protected beer thank you.

Check out their site for other recycled goodies.

FGFF Approved!

-Alex who is currently drinking Schlitz out of a foot.

Monday, February 23, 2009

"Panda Food" is not for pigs

I left my house at 6am to do some bullshit in Castle Rock this morning. Lucky for me Michael Gracie wanted to go carp fishing.
So as I was driving around Denver looking for the park we were going to fish, I saw some old guy in one of those stupid pill cars "Smart Car" pick his nose and eat his booger! I was thinking of rolling my window down and yelling something at him, considering he had to be at least 65, but i just kept to myself and laughed on the inside.
Ok now to the fishing. I got to the spot around 10am and Michael was right behind me. I walked over to the bridge looked over and saw only trash, no fish. We were right near down town Denver so i am thinking what the hell is Michael thinking? He was here just a week ago and told me some pretty detailed stories, so I knew there were going to be fish in here.
For about the first hour we were looking and looking and saw nothing. The one carp rolled on the surface and that was the beginning. Suddenly carp are running up river right past us. Tom and his buddy came rolling down the hill where we came down threw the brush and trash that lined the river. Almost instantly Tom hooks into a great sized carp, I go to net it and it threw the hook. Tom really knows how to fish this area, he was using an 8foot #9 and he hooked into a big river tractor. This was a beastly carp. As the fish runs he is hitting his backing, watching him pull that fish in looked like he was hooked up to a dump truck. This fish was an easy 15 lbs. The third fish tom hooks into was a nice carp about 10 to 12lbs. (See below)
I finally got a hit but had a 2 second fight if that before it threw the hook. And now Tom hooks into another big carp again 10 to 12lbs.

Tom was the only one to catch fish today, but I still had a great time. Michael got a great hook up but it was spit about 20 min. before we decided to leave. I caught the tree about 10 times, I am going to be a logger now.
So i am hearing all about how bamboo rod are the way to go, "bamboo is the best." I don't agree! If you want to fish spring creeks and catch 6-14 inch trout, then fine, fish bamboo. But I think there is a lot you can not do with bamboo. I know many people who will fish nothing but bamboo, I just cant see myself doing that. And yes I like to pull out mine every now and then, but it didn't cost me $1500. I am cheap, and broke.
I would rather catch big pigs that spool me almost every time. Lets just face it, unless you are some super guru of fly fishing Panda Food rods just aren't going to cut it.
Check out Michael's blog for details I forgot.

Zingers FGFF style.

Made popular by our friends over at Fly Fishing Frenzy, here is the southwestern alcoholic twist to zingers. I ask again, are you man enough?

If you ain't going fishing, you might as well get drunk with your fishing buddy and consume some ridiculous shit.

Delicious. Awesome. Don't deny it.

-Alex who just filled the bedside hydration unit, and is glad he will not be in the woods when this nature calls.

-Aaron who would like to see some boobs... And seriously, who wouldn't?

[UPDATE 1:40am] - empty. Oh boy.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Pork-shaped-patty sandwiches, and some casting practice.

Walked into Rose Canyon yesterday. Aaron caught 2 small browns. I didn't catch a fish, or a buzz for that matter. I was wearing the right shoes this time, though.

It has been a couple weeks since we got out, and it felt good to put the rod together again.

Aaron ate a gas station pork-shaped-patty sandwich, which led to a nervous walk to a near by camp site 'water closet' while I followed him making farting noises. He said he finally learned his lesson, we will see about that.

Friday, February 13, 2009

In Ireland, they call them "fatman pants"

So, you own a pair of sweatpants. They might live with your boot socks, or be shacking up with your long johns in your underwear drawer. They might be laying on the floor, kicked-off and discarded in the corner, or folded neatly on your dresser, in your closet, your armoire. You could be wearing them right at this moment.

That comfortable caressing cotton, that unrestrictive flexible waistband, that perfect little round grease stain complements of the hoagie you ate yesterday afternoon. I'm talkin’ sweatpants, people. But unfortunately, all is not as it seems to be.

Beknownst to me, but unbeknownst to you; that pile of awesome legged comfortableness is far more evil than you could ever imagine. For some fat folk, sweatpants are a gateway. A gateway to another dimension of being.

First, you wear them only in the house, or under your waders when the chill is on.

You wear them in the morning while your shower warms up, or on Sunday afternoon while sitting on the couch eating Cheetos and watching a House marathon.

Then one sweatpant wearing day you do it. It’s just a little thing: going to get the mail, the paper, something out of your car. But even if you realize what just happened, it’s too late. Your are wearing sweatpants in public, and there is no hope for you.

Soon it will be to the store, or the post office, or your uncle Dave’s house to help him patch some drywall. There you are, patching drywall in sweatpants.

You are falling to the death of your self image, and you don’t even know it.

Then one day you and your sweatpants are walking around in Wal-Mart looking for a new grill set and you pass a rack of fanny packs. You stop, slowly turn and look. “Hmm” you say to no one in particular. “A fanny pack… I could keep all kinds of neat stuff in that and my sweatpant pockets are pretty small.”

Fanny pack in hand, on the way to the BBQ aisle, you pass the shoe department and something catches your eye. You, your sweatpants, and your fanny pack walk over to look. Is it? Oh my, they are! Velcro Shoes! Oh Boy! My sweatpants and I could do so many more things if we weren’t wasting all day tying out shoes! Add to that the awesome stuff we could carry around with this fanny pack and we would be unstoppable!

You are so excited you forget about the BBQ set and run home to show your wife all the awesomeness you got. She is not there, only a note:

I have taken the kids and gone to my sister’s house. I just could not handle the sweatpants anymore. You have a problem! Admit it and get help. I just couldn’t have the kids see you like this anymore.

Whatever, she just doesn’t understand. You still got your sweatpants, your fanny pack full of sweetness, and your sweet Velcro shoes. Nobody understands. You don’t have a problem, you can stop whenever you want.

The next thing you know you are friendless, jobless, wifeless, all because one day you wore some sweatpants outside. Think about it.

So remember my hefty brethren, under the waders, or indoors. Leave the traipsing around outside in sweatpants to the skinny folk.

-Alex who may or may not wearing fatman pants at this moment.

Monday, February 09, 2009


I got stickers, when I am not drunk i will post a photo, birds............ and cows

(Edit by Alex- kyle is apparently drunk, but he sent this image to my phone earlier... get some)

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Are you man enough?

I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know how.....

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

"I'd take pleasure in guttin' you, boy."

(and now back to our regularly scheduled programming)

If you love fishing, you are probably an outdoorsy kinda person. If your an outdoorsy kinda person, you are probably the owner of at least a few pieces of outdoorsy cutlery. They may be unexceptional utilitarian pieces of sharp steel that cut what you put them to and that is about as exciting as it gets. Or, you might be in a little deeper than you would like to admit.

When you have to get tactical and go medieval on nature's ass, you are most likely going to need a good blade.

Pokers, priers, slicers, skinners, gutters and stabbers:
Whether you are chopping down saplings to fashion a raft, taking on a grizzly in hand to hand combat, or carving a hole to shotgun your beer, there is a knife for you.

I remember when I was a kid and my dad carried around an Uncle Henry 3 blade folder which he used for everything. I could never understand how he managed to keep that thing as sharp as it was.

Having a sharp blade is obviously very important. A dull knife is not only super annoying, but also dangerous as it takes more effort to cut, which can lead to accidents. And if you take the time to pack a blade with you into the wilderness, you might as well bring something that can take some abuse. There are a lot of $30-$50 knives made by the likes of Gerber, Buck, Cold Steel, and SOG that are worth every penny. Take that Taiwanese-Turd out of your pack and throw it away before you hurt yourself with it.

The other side of the spectrum.
Some knives are not meant to cut. The one below was a gift from my father on my last birthday. It was made by Don Norris, a Tucson local who passed away recently. Damascus steel, with Mastodon tusk handle plates. You read right folks, Mastodon tusk. Not a lot of that lying around.

This is a collector, for sure. Thanks pops.

I always carry a knife with me, wherever I go. Recently I put down my Severtech Auto (which really needs a sharpening), for a digital camo Spyderco Military. The Spyderco is new, and it easily removed hair from my arm. I have always said that you don't really 'own' a knife until you cut yourself with it.... I am not looking forward to owning this one, as much as I like cutting the crap out of myself.

Thank Christ they left the black blade coating off this one, a little silver glare is your only hope finding it after your drunk ass (or most likely my drunk ass) loses it in the woods. It may be good to make use of the lanyard hole on this one.

So folks, what are your favorite blades? What do you like to carry into to great yonder?

-Alex who 'owns' many knives, some that aren't even his.

Monday, February 02, 2009

not fish porn....SUPERBOWL PORN!

If you were watching Comcast cable, you got Cox:

I usually try to stick to fishing and drinking topics.... but this is too much! With 2:48 left in the 4th quarter Comcast cable watchers here in Tucson got a little more "action" than they bargained for when a porno clip interrupted their touchdown replay. Read about it:

Here or Here

Some dude who was on the ball (haha) grabbed the url and has the video. (warning, there are man parts flopping about) click Here.

-Alex who thinks that a little nipple slip doesn't hold a candle to this nonsense.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Guinness and a little Guinness

So there I was sitting at the bar, watching the stuperbowl. I was thinking of what beer to drink next and Brett the Bartender walks up and says, "how about a Guinness and a little Guinness?" And I'm all.... what?

A tall pint of G-Spot, and a shot of coffee flavored tequila topped with Baileys. Guinness and Little Guinness. Badass.

-Alex who loves beer, even little ones that aren't really beer.