This is what happens....

when you drink a bottle of Jager and attempt to do an interview over Skype.

-Alex who is a sexy bitch.

It could happen to you...

It is not quite the evening yet, and night has hours yet to be born from twilights womb. The summer sun still lingers annoyingly high, but the nine-to-fivers have parked the car and are looking for the remote, adding ice to their second scotch and water.

The temperature matches the colors as grays become reds and the landscape seems to deepen.

Someone, somewhere, has cracked their first beer. If you listen carefully, to can hear the kacheeeesk and the slurp that inevitably follows.

They may be partying, they may be just hanging out, or they may be sitting on the couch watching Forensic Files. Whatever they may be doing now, 3 hours and ~8 beers later they will be at the computer.

A bookmark click here, a Google search there, winding their way closer... They might even have a blog, and on this blog a blogroll, and on this blogroll, your site may be listed.

“Oh, lookey,” they say, “a new post,” slurp, “let’s go take a peek."

Their fingers follow along as their eyes are forced open wide enough to keep the words from smashing together. They laugh, they cry, they have an idea, a thought that must be voiced in type, tick, click, tick goes the keys as their intoxicatedness spills onto the keyboard.

They giggle at their cleverness as their hand moves the cursor toward the “Submit Comment” button and engages. Convex becomes concave as their inebriated mental state is forced into textual existence.

The deed has been done, you have been drunk-commented, and even with spelling errors and keyboard-topography mistakes, you may not even know it.

On the phone, it’s easy:

Ring....
“Hello?”
“Drrrrrrr”
“Dave… your drunk, aren’t you?”
“Maybe… hehe.”

Problem Solved.

But in this electronic age there are many more forums for the inebriated communicator. Drunk texts, drunk emails, drunk tweets…. And with proper grammar often flying out the window even in states of complete sobriety, how is one to know?

Has your blog been subject to drunken commenting? Has someone left their skewed mark on your page? Do you even care? Does it matter? Is it better that way? They do say that ones true feelings come out in times of intoxication....

-Alex who knows how easy it is to get in trouble with the click of a mouse.

Top Secret Communiqué

I could tell you what Simon Graham and I were talking about here, but if I did I would have to send a ninja to your house to explain to you that your time on earth was short. G-14 Classified.... you understand. But don't worry, all (or most) will soon be revealed.

-Alex who is more a Jagërmeister ninja than a fighty ninja.

I Prefer............

I prefer a glass of whiskey over a mug of coffee on a cold winters morning.

I prefer Old Crow and Jim Beam over Bushmills or Jamensons

I prefer my 7 1/2' #4 over my 9' #4 fly rods

I prefer the floor rather than a bed

I prefer tying San Juan worms over buying them, C'mon who the hell cant tie one of those?

I prefer graphite over bamboo

I prefer vacationing in Colorado rather than living here, Its much more of a treat to come here on occasion rather than being spoiled by living here

I prefer standard transmission over automatic

I prefer ponds and rivers over large lakes

I prefer shitty beer over high priced crap that tastes like shit other than beer

I prefer beer over water

I prefer women who like to fish rather than women who like to bitch alot

I prefer dead animal over that hippie shrubbery shit (no point of being a vegetarian)

I prefer, on a hung over morning, to pee outside or pee like a woman instead of standing and aiming

-Kyle who hates to stand and pee on a hung over morning

This is not my canoe.

(notes)

-Alex

A Tip

Want to look like a pro? Lose some weight fat boy.

I like my fishing shirts to be made of lightweight, breathable, water repellent material with neatly zippered pockets in all the right places… but I also would like it not to pop a button if I eat that extra peanut butter powerbar and forget to suck-it-in when crawling out of the boat.

I like my fishing pants to dry quickly and magically transform into shorts in a zip, but “a partial stretch waist for exceptional fit and comfort” does me no good if the only time it is ever partially stretched is when it’s folded in my dresser drawer.

Dickies gives the fat man some love.... Their double knee work pant is available up to a 60-inch waist because they understand that even the fattest of America’s work force should be able to do so in comfort and style, and still have room to go to the bar after work and eat nachos and drink two or three or ten beers.

While fishing might not fall into the same category of labor as rotating tires or fixing milf’s leaky sinks, it still requires a level of comfort for movement and dexterity - for being able to breathe while tying the laces of your wading boots.

Some good manufacturers run small so I don’t mind paying a fat tax*, I just want to have the sizes available. And I know that there is a more-to-love fly fishing fringe watching from the shore wondering when their pants will dry as fast as the undernourished Patagonia advertisement standing next to them.

-Alex who knows it ain’t pretty when one combines gluttony and vanity.

*Fat Tax is the extra $3-$10 you have to pay for sixes over XXL, and has more do to with punishing you for not working out than charging for the extra material.

Shillelagh fly fishing

Drinking in Manitou Springs and the dedication to Fly Fishing. So I was having a few drinks with some friends and decided to fish the creek, I am going to make this very short and very simple. I found a Prince Nymph and some mono in my car and knew I had my Shillelagh (Irish beat your head in stick) in there.


I met this fella, Chris Kohne, and we decided to try to catch a fish out of the creek. Well the plan worked. After seeing 4 or 5 fish 14 inch plus I pulled out that little fella, and you can see my rig I was using. So to put it simply and if you want to drink and catch small fish go out to Manitou Spring drink at the Royal Tavern, drink get bored and walk out the door to catch a fish. Obviously you dont need to bring all your gear with you, in fact bring almost nothing at all you will still catch them.


-Kyle

Slow Days

see notes on LP blog

Sometimes the days are slow when the flies fly true and the loops are un-tailing and mother nature herself is impressed by your presentation.
Sometimes you don't catch fish when the hatch is matched and the wind goes easy and the fish are starved for attention.
Sometimes you get skunked when your drifts are drag-less and the banks are cut and the smile of the day stretches wide.
When your box is stacked and your flush is royal and your bet is sure and your shoes are stealth and your face is determined, sometimes you still can't win.

 Sometimes you don't care.

-Alex