Friday, January 30, 2009

Do you know these people? pt. 2

Alright folks, here is part 2. So again I pose the question: Do you know these people? Are they you?

The Bro
Your fishing hat is sideways with a vengeance.
Your ‘02 Chevy Silverado has a $2500 lift on it, and the 40 inch mud terrains rarely see a dirt road, let alone mud.
You subscribe to This is Fly, and have the full collection of Glamis Gone Wild videos.
You own 30 Skin Industries shirts.
You have wet-waded in Vans.
Only Loop gear for you, cause that shit is tight, yo!
You make old men spit and curse when they see you on the river.
Your looks aside, you are actually a pretty good fisherman, and often make You Tube videos with a camcorder that you stole from your sister.
You are probably really skinny, with at least one sleeve of tats.
In at least half the photos taken of you you’re giving the camera the finger.
You have most likely, at one point in your life, worked at Subway.

The Story Teller
You have a sixth sense for seeking out people, wherever you are, who are talking about fishing.
Your tales are monstrous show stoppers of angling glory, and people will hear them whether they like it or not.
Saltwater and freshwater, tailwaters and headwaters, ponds and puddles, piddily little streams and big ol’ rivers, you are lord of them all.
Your gear doesn’t matter because you once hand-caught a tarpon on line that you braded out of hair from your shaved genitals, while at the same time pleasing two women and cooking Tea-Glazed duck with a mushroom sauce for lunch.
No one, as far as they can remember, have ever seen you actually fish.
You don’t understand why they stopped making Zima.
Nobody really likes you.

The Crotchety Geezer
You can smell bullshit from here to next week, and you don’t want to hear it.
You have said “get off my lawn” in a situation where it was actually applicable.
Your fishing gear survived the cold war era, so it’s good enough for you and better than all that shiny, billet, high flow, low drag, over-rated crap those damn kids use these days.
You have chased people off the river, just because you felt unsociable.
You have been kicked out of a bar for assaulting a Story Teller.
You drink Pabst, and Johnny Walker Red.
Your idiot kid is an investment banker, and was never any good at fishing.
Your hands have touched more fish than a sushi chef.
You have a reel lying around somewhere that still has oil impregnated silk line on it.
You don’t know what a blogroll is, but it sounds like it would be good with ham and cheese.
You shake your fist at people.

The wannabe guide
You are totally sure that you know, but you don’t.
“This fly I tied will totally kill on that river,” but it won’t.
Your cast and presentation is perfect, but it’s not.
You are sure that you can help anyone catch more fish, but you can’t.
You refer to that local water as “yours”, but it isn’t.
Your friends think you are the shit, but you’re not.
People will hear your suggestions whether they want to or not, and they don’t.

-Alex

Oh, if you havn't had the pleasure, Part 1 can be found here.

7 comments:

  1. "get off my lawn" is in my nickname, I guess I am the old guy,(shaking fist with rage right now)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I recognize myself as a combination of Story Teller and Crotchety Geezer - I once attacked MYSELF in a bar for talking too much.
    No Wannabe Guide for this Ole Boy; the youngsters can have it. There were people who came in my shop I could barely stand for 5 minutes, can't imagine an entire day on the river with them.
    Don't get me wrong, most flyfishers are great and would be fun to be with. But a few, I could tell some stories, but don't get me started.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm a lost soul...

    My gear is ten years old, except when I'm conning soon to be out-of-work shop dudes to let me test cast rods for 18 months.

    I cook a mean bacon cheese burger, but eat them all myself.

    I haven't caught a pike on a fly rod, but I did tail snag a sucker once using tandem tube flies with 4/0 hooks.

    I can smell bullshit coming from Christmas Island while standing by the Blue, but am usually spewing so much of my own the stench reminds me of fresh petunias.

    I drive a V8 with a bumper sticker on the back that says "Screw you and the Prius you rode in on".

    I can tie a nail knot riverside, in the dark, while the temp is 20 below, holding 20lb Maxima in one hand, and my junk in the other.

    I've got a blog, and someone once said I was the real shit, but I haven't gotten my invitation to the FGFF Beer Bong Invitational yet.

    Please classify.

    ReplyDelete
  4. now that i've read both of these articles, i suspect i have multiple personality disorder.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "I haven't gotten my invitation to the FGFF Beer Bong Invitational yet."

    Fuck yeah, it's on!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't worry MG, you will.... But for now, you guys will just have to sign up for the Wrinkleneck to practice for the Beer Bong invitational.

    ReplyDelete

What sayeth you?