Sunday, March 10, 2013

MI Notes, Pt1

My phone alarm went off at 3:40am and that is strange because it was set for 4:40am, and the phone knew that. It even had a happy little message telling me that my 4:40am alarm was ringing, but the clock on the phone told me it was an hour early. So did the ancient black-plastic battleship of a lamp/clock from my middle school years that is still keeping the dust away from its rectangular footprint on my headboard. I am a little disturbed by this. Second guessing your technology's sanity leads to problems. (Open the pod bay doors, HAL)

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I bought a travel pillow at the airport. It was $15. I wish I could eat it, because it is pretty much useless and I am super hungry.

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If you get butthurt when people on planes sitting in front of you recline their seat, you can lick it till you get to the tootsie roll center. Your seat reclines, too. Airplane seats are uncomfortable pieces of shit, and if there is something I can do to make it even the tineyest bit better, you better believe that I am going to recline that shit so hard. Everybody is doing it. Get with the program, dude.

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I think the woman sitting next to me is a hypochondriac. Since I have been next to her, I have totaled two sneezes and one super gurgly nose blow. I am suffering from a supreme lack of sleep and I am probably giving off a pretty heavy sick vibe. I want to blow my nose again, but I think the sound alone would be enough to send her over the edge. She was doing Sudoku  but now she has a laptop on her tray table and appears to be reading, but she has been on the same page for almost 20 minutes. I can feel her covert glances like pin pricks. All is not well.

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Plane bathrooms are a pretty intimate setting. I think a crime was recently committed here which will go unsolved. I have more hair in my nose than previously suspected.

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Cameron Mortensen is now moving with speed and efficiency; a bullet of hope cutting across the darkening Michigan landscape. GRR is ground zero and the ETA has the consistency of warm jello.



-Alex who prefers liquid gels to candy coated with his wheat beer.

3 comments:

  1. You must be a great airplane seat buddy. I was on a flight from Dallas to Miami once. These two country boys got on. One sat behind me and the other next to me. They had some interesting conversation going in between spitting out their snuff juice into a soda can. Then as the flight got ready to take off, the one seated with me turned around, took out a photo album and asked if I wanted to look at it. I said sure. It had photos of dead deer, hogs, and other critters he hunted. He was particularly proud of one of the dead hogs as he had jumped on it and slit its throat. He then mentioned he was on his way to Florida because he won the lottery. A lottery to hunt gators that is. Heard about that for the next couple of hours in between spitting in his cup. Yep, you would be a great airplane seat buddy.

    Oh, and don't get me going about the nurse I sat next to once that was convinced that humans could get infected by computer viruses.

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    1. I am an awesome seat buddy. There was this nice little college girl on the flight from Denver to GRR and we had a great time, but the guy sitting next to her kept giving me the stank eye. Turns out it was her father, which I obviously didn't know until we touched down... I think he must have missed some key parts of the conversation over the plane noise, because not once did he try and choke me.

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