I was lying in bed this morning, and I knew there was something wrong. There was a quiet whisper in the nether regions of trouble, the air thick with anticipation of revolution. But I was still tired, half asleep, and didn’t heed the warning.
I felt a fart brewing and in my sleepdrunk state I rolled over, gambled a 50/50, and lost. The day has gone downhill from there.
I don’t have a laptop, and every second I stay out of the bathroom the danger grows. I am mainlining pepto, and snorting tums in an attempt to remain free from the water closet clutches just long enough to finish this thought.
I wish I lived near a river.
-Alex who's bedside hydration unit is working overtime.