Sunday, March 08, 2009

Got that nasty stomach flu? Time for some wet wading.

I was lying in bed this morning, and I knew there was something wrong. There was a quiet whisper in the nether regions of trouble, the air thick with anticipation of revolution. But I was still tired, half asleep, and didn’t heed the warning.

I felt a fart brewing and in my sleepdrunk state I rolled over, gambled a 50/50, and lost. The day has gone downhill from there.

I don’t have a laptop, and every second I stay out of the bathroom the danger grows. I am mainlining pepto, and snorting tums in an attempt to remain free from the water closet clutches just long enough to finish this thought.

I wish I lived near a river.

-Alex who's bedside hydration unit is working overtime.

12 comments:

  1. I started reading your post while eating a Subway foot long marinara meatball sandwich. You didn't get the runs after eating a meatball sandwich, right?

    Seriously, hope you feel better soon. BTW, Imodium is the ticket. One little pill will put a stopper in that pooper.

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  2. No meatballs.... but I did eat subway last night.

    I don't have any Imodium, but I did find a tube of liquid nails.

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  3. One of the most disturbing post headers seen to date

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  4. I took Luciano's advise and went to the store to pick up Imodium and some dinner, and was attacked by my ass while standing in the frozen food aisle. Passers-by must have thought I was just super interested in frozen fish fillets.

    Now I got some corn dogs in the microwave, and just swallowed a couple don't-crap-yourself pills..... hope for the best.

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  5. Now you'll never know whether it was the Imodium or the corn dogs that actually cured you.

    Can we please get some decent health care advice around here - WebMD comes up empty for the search term 'fly fishing' (as well as 'Alex's ass').

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  6. wow. words escape me. other than... I genuinely hope you get better soon. And you might want to lay off the Activia for awhile.

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/17002/saturday-night-live-activia-yogurt

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  7. Thank you, and thanks for the Activia advise; I had no idea. I have to say though, I was surprised to see your comment due to your usual aversion to "lowbrow disgusting humor"...:)

    I am feeling much better today, and as Michael said, we will never know if it was the corn dogs or the Imodium, but I'm going with the corn dogs since they were much more tasty.

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  8. Alex,
    Don't worry man. It happens to the best of us. Just be thankful that it didn't happen as you were driving down the highway. If that happens, you'll quickly find youself standing on the shoulder, cargo pants around your ankles, using your pocket knife to cut your drawers off. Don't ask me how I know this...

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  9. HAHA, that's great! It reminds me of something Aaron said recently. On the subject of emergency shitting in the woods w/o TP he said "if he cut any more off the boxers he was wearing they would be briefs."

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  10. true, I have been known to publicly criticize "low brow disgusting humor"

    then again I am also full of $HIT

    no wait -- that's you.

    just kidding around!! SO GLAD you are feeling better....take care~ Chick

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  11. You need to get a new air to shit regulator. Obviously yours is broke.

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  12. Not broke, just malfunctioning my friend.

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What sayeth you?