Friday, October 09, 2009

Want to look like a pro? Lose some weight fat boy.

I like my fishing shirts to be made of lightweight, breathable, water repellent material with neatly zippered pockets in all the right places… but I also would like it not to pop a button if I eat that extra peanut butter powerbar and forget to suck-it-in when crawling out of the boat.

I like my fishing pants to dry quickly and magically transform into shorts in a zip, but “a partial stretch waist for exceptional fit and comfort” does me no good if the only time it is ever partially stretched is when it’s folded in my dresser drawer.

Dickies gives the fat man some love.... Their double knee work pant is available up to a 60-inch waist because they understand that even the fattest of America’s work force should be able to do so in comfort and style, and still have room to go to the bar after work and eat nachos and drink two or three or ten beers.

While fishing might not fall into the same category of labor as rotating tires or fixing milf’s leaky sinks, it still requires a level of comfort for movement and dexterity - for being able to breathe while tying the laces of your wading boots.

Some good manufacturers run small so I don’t mind paying a fat tax*, I just want to have the sizes available. And I know that there is a more-to-love fly fishing fringe watching from the shore wondering when their pants will dry as fast as the undernourished Patagonia advertisement standing next to them.

-Alex who knows it ain’t pretty when one combines gluttony and vanity.

*Fat Tax is the extra $3-$10 you have to pay for sixes over XXL, and has more do to with punishing you for not working out than charging for the extra material.


  1. well put, even though its a well known fact that fat folks don't do anything fun like fly fish, snowboard, or surf. We just eat and grow large, leaving outdoorsy stuff to the lil' folk.

  2. That reminds me of a trip we took about five years ago to the White mountains where I bent over, and instantaneously farted and audibly ripped my pants. Alex laughed until his ribs hurt. At least there were no chicks around, but that doesn't change the fact that I needlessly suffered through fat man sporting pants experience.

  3. Was that the FroggTogg incident?

  4. no,that was a different time, I forgot about the FroggTogg rain pants, I guess I've have two wilderness sport pants blowouts

  5. My heart goes out to you guys - if it makes you feel any better, my brother had a drunken 'tall-guy' incident with a tent & a pair of trousers... there were holes in both by the time he finally passed out ;0)

  6. I hear you FGFF. I am welcoming the neoprene wading season as I am tired of sucking it in to my skintight "breathable waders". Who can breathe in those things anyways.

  7. SMB- It's probably too much to ask for a video of that...

    Brandon- neoprene waders do give wonderful support, but they have a tendency to pinch ones balls if your package is improperly secured.


What sayeth you?